There was always something holding me back.
At first I would tell myself I didn’t have the right equipment, my kitchen isn’t set up right, my sewing room is too small. The honest truth is, I am not the most clean and organized person. I always thought that I was just a “messy” person by nature. In fact I was told that a lot growing up. However I have recently learned that I’m not in fact “messy by nature” but was never taught a way to clean and organize that works with the way my brain works. Plus, depression is a strange thing.
I found a book about cleaning that didn’t teach me how to clean.
A friend recommended a book called The Clutter Connection and it changed my life. Not only have I always struggled with cleaning and organizing, our family had some life altering changes from 2020 to 2022, and that was a whole mess on its own. Ironically The Clutter Connection does not tell me step-by-step how to clean and organize my house. Cassandra Aarssen was able to help me understand how I need to organize so that it works for my brain and if I can get organized, I can clean. She categorizes the types into bugs and there is a whole lot about micro and macro organizing, but the main point is, it made so much sense to me! I understood better why I wasn’t able to keep things tidy like the women in my life I admire, who have perfect pantries and spotless kitchens! The way they organize doesn’t fit my lifestyle, nor the way my brain processes things, and if you aren’t putting things away, you are never going to be able to keep things clean!
Don’t get me wrong, my house is far from perfect!
You see, no matter how much I work on things, I have my “bad days”. I have those days where you don’t want to get out of bed, let alone cook and clean and function like a “normal” human. I know it’s a form of depression, and I’m working on these things, but when you see a stack of dishes on one of those days, it becomes an overwhelming pit of despair!
I don’t like being on camera…
That is sort of true. Another “fun” part of those dark days is that, as they build up, for me so did my weight. I’ve never been a size 2 but over the last ten years I have made sure to avoid the camera because I didn’t like what I saw. But as Elle Woods says “Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don’t shoot their husbands.” And you know what? On the days that I have been exercising, I have been getting more done, not just in my business but also around the house.
So where does that leave me?
Well, I’m getting in front of the camera more. I don’t always like the Heidi that I see but I’m proud of her and I know that eventually, the person I see will be the person I used to really like. I know that along this path there will be people that may feel the need to be less than pleasant, but there is nothing they can say that my inner voices haven’t already shamed me about. I’ve been doing more live stories on social media, I’ve been recording myself doing some work in the kitchen, and will be adding all sorts of new content to my YouTube page. Not only am I excited about these new adventures, I’m excited to see my own progress as I try new things.
So what about you?
Are you naturally a clean and organized person or are you a little scattered, like me? Are you in your best physical shape or do you not recognize the person in the mirror? Whether you are the most put together person on the planet or you are a hot mess driving the struggle bus, I am proud of who you are! Even if all you did today was brush your teeth, I think you are just amazing! Don’t ever let anyone tell you any different, even the voices in your own head.
Stay weird my friends!
Cheers!
Great post!