I would assume that successful people are too busy making things happen, they don’t have time for naps, and they don’t “miss” them because, ta-da! So much success!
I don’t like to live in the land of regrets, but sometimes I do wish I had done things differently. I wish I had better life direction when I was younger, more motivated, had more time and, what I thought, was infinite amounts of energy. I wish I had thought more about what I wanted to be and to do later on. I would take a guess that so many of us grow up believing there will always be “more time” to do all of the things we haven’t even decided we want to do. Time has other plans for us.
In my teens I started writing.
I would write anything and everything that popped into my head. Part of a short story, a cheesy poem, random thoughts about life, I filled diaries, journals, and notebooks with thoughts and wishes. Eventually as technology grew, I transitioned from the (paper?) into the world of docs and blogs. Before kids and school I had work and Heidi-isms, a blog to capture moments in my life, but an outlet for my writing.
As I’ve gotten older, I feel like I’ve written less.
I mean, the stack of notebooks and files of docs would scream otherwise, but it’s not the same writing. I have journals filled with to-do lists that have never gotten done. Notebooks of equations estimating what I was going to make, how I was going to pay down debt to get ahead, but no matter how many times I would write it down, some hidden emergency would always seem to pop up sending my plans crashing down. Not to mention the quick pick-me-ups that I would write to myself hoping that it would motivate me to stay focused and get all the things done!
Perhaps it’s a side effect of getting older, but the words don’t come to me as easily as they once did.
I would love to say that I don’t write as much because I’ve become so good at dealing with all of the crazy thoughts and emotions swirling around in my brain. I think it’s more likely that it has become harder to catch a single train of thought because it feels like the tornado to Oz is living within me and I keep running for the storm cellar.
One of my favorite movie quotes is from Legally Blonde, when Elle says “Exercise gives you endorphins.
Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don’t shoot their husbands, they just don’t.” I really need to get this printed on a t-shirt, put it on a wall hanging, maybe even get it tattooed to a place I will see it every day. I know that I’m a better me when I get in some sort of physical activity each day, whether it’s a short walk, dancing around the house, or attempting yoga for the gazillionth time. There will always be a voice in my head that says “start that tomorrow.” Or perhaps, next week, or “the first”. Whatever delay I can make, my brain will support that.
I told myself that yesterday I was going to start my exercise plan. Then I got up late and didn’t want to do the things! I had a whole list of to-dos waiting for me, but I couldn’t spend more than 10 minutes on a project before my brain wandered off or got overwhelmed. So last night, I walked for 15 minutes, did a few targeted exercises, and then practiced some yoga stretches. I made sure not to overdo it so that I didn’t wake up feeling sore and giving myself a reason not to keep going. One evening of exercise is not going to give me Elle-endorphins, but it’s a step in that direction.
In life, I’m going to fail. A lot. I don’t even know that my fear of failure is as great as my fear of success. But today I am going to push away my fear of success and keep getting things done. I want to channel my younger, more confident self, and turn fear into something that makes me desire success. And I’m not going to apologize if I end up taking a nap!
